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A Glance To Melt
PENENTRATING
EYES
IF LOOKS COULD MELT IT WOULD BE YOURS
I KNOW I SHOULDN’T LET MYSELF GO THERE
TEMPTING YOU WITH EACH AND
EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING
WHY DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU CAN’T HAVE
I LIKE A CHALLENGE YOU SAY
SO DO I
THAT SIDEWAYS
LOOK AND SMILE
READY TO JUST HIT ME INSTEAD OF FACING WHAT I HAVE SAID
WHAT CAN I SAY – I’M NOT USE TO THEM
SAYING NO
ARE YOU A PYRO
DO YOU PLAY WITH FIRE
I PROMISE I DON’T BURN
07-15-2003 12:41 AM
Back to Top
A Hug From A Friend, My Haven
Your strong warm arms embraced
me
In my time of need
You sat there quietly
Just holding me
Taking comfort in silence
After so much that has
been
There is a certain serenity in silence
In the sultry pause of thought
Of actions
Of intentions
Of anger
Nothing
but your clear calm breath
Caressing me
The wind stroking my body
Wrapping me tightly away from the madness
Of
the universe that surrounds me
I shut my eyes
Only if for a moment to rest
To shed the burden I carry on my back
daily
I exhale as my walls are dropped for me to breathe
My mask falls revealing the sad soft core of who I am
There
I stand
Careless
Clear
Calm
Taking comfort in the silence
Safe in my haven
A simple hug from a friend
08-22-2003
04:46 PM
Back to Top
A Loss
Lost
in a maze you made
You'll find a way out someday
Going places you never should have been
Dreaming of a land where
you always win
Crying at night at stupid things
Sometimes knowing what's happening
Wondering why life is unfair
You
make a turn...if you dare
07-08-2003 09:25 PM
Back to Top
A Return To Reality
alive
my
hand sliding slowly down your face
long
my lips travel to meet yours
hard
they touch and part
deep
my tongue
penetrates
wet
to the tip in and out they play
our last kiss?
witnessed by all to see
the interlude ends abruptly
a
return to reality
and again we are just friends
with time to heal
with time to tell
if this was our last kiss
07-25-2003
01:18 AM
Back to Top
Alone In A Field Covered In Peanut Butter
With no one to hear your screams
It started off as a game of cat and mouse
A trip to the wilderness
A picnic
on the ground
I stuck my finger into the peanut butter jar
As innocent as that
Out I pull it sticking to my skin
And
simply place it into my mouth to suck on it
When I look up at your silence
I saw that sparkle in your eyes
I knew
I was in trouble
That impenetrable glance embedded in your smile
Seductively I lick the remainder off with my tongue
You
like it when I tease
You go on talking about something from work
Like the exchange never happened
And in the middle
of your explanation
I couldn’t help myself anymore
I pounce on you – much like Tigger would
I grab the
peanut butter and playfully poke some here and there
Licking it off your skin as I undress you
Then the idea hits me
I
lift you up
Pushing you against the nearest tree
You protesting the whole way
Too aware of your nakedness
Taking
some rope (I always have handy)
I tie you tightly around its trunk
Then taking the peanut butter
I begin to paint
clothes on you
Finger painting has never been so fun
Gliding my finger one layer at a time
Starting from the outside
of your breasts
Working my way slowly inward to your nipples
Finally that done
One single trail downward
Your
stomach flexes and you twist and turn
Pleading that it tickles – to let you go
But you know better
As I look
straight into your eyes
And take a big lick into the jar
Placing one hand on each leg
I paint and lick and play with
your clit
Finally, I pause and tell you no one can hear you
"Scream all you want!
You are alone in a field covered
in peanut butter."
09-08-2003 09:53 PM
Back to Top
Anguish Blackened Angel
anguish
blackened angel
crawling on the ground
wings cut
bleeding
to some a sliver of hope
to others a cycle unbound
time
will be your medicine
time will bind your blood
wash away the misery
wash away old love
and once the blackened
angel
begins to fly again
her heart will be mended
her heart will know when…
07-16-2003 03:54 PM
Back to Top
Bad Fucking Timing
sometime it wasn't meant
to be
sometimes you just have bad fucking timing
yeah some mystery is nice
but at the end of the day I believe we
all truly want to find the one to share our life with
i do believe in karma though
if its meant to be it will happen
you
just have to go on living your life
and pray they see the true person you are
i mean you deserve someone who knows you
right?
who wants you for you
sometimes its just bad fucking timing
08-17-2003 11:38 PM
Back to Top
Be my
be my hands
be my
thoughts
be my...
wanting but a touch
to feel you against me
to hear your heart
beat in rhythm with mine
you
tempt and tease
you grin and moan
will it take tying you down
to kiss you alone?
07-17-2003 06:04 PM
Back to Top
Breath in
pulsating
breath erupts
as I move my fingers
across your soft skin
wet with desire
you lay there melting
in anticipation
biting
down your neck
teasing nibbles at you ear
do you want me?
a deep breath in
as our lips lock
hard
needing
wanting
wet
I
can feel your warmth beneath me
giving away what you won't say
another breath in more slowly
trying to calm you panicked
heart
all you have to do is say - yes.
07-18-2003 02:32 PM
Back to Top
Broken, Bruised I Stand Before You
IMAGINE IF YOU CAN
YOUR FRIENDS
STANDING AGAINST YOU WHEN YOU NEED THEM THE MOST
POINTING BLAME WITHOUT EVEN QUESTIONING YOU FIRST
GUILTY
BY PROCLAMATION
GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION
GUITLY NO MATTER WHAT
GUILTY
FIRST ANGER RISES IN MY BLOOD
HOW DARE
YOU CAST BLAME MY WAY
WHEN I HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT SHOW COMPASSION
EVEN WHEN YOU HURT THE ONES CLOSEST TO ME
- I
EXTENDED MY HAND
- A HUG ON YOUR DARKEST DAY
WHEN YOUR TRUE FRIENDS WERE NOT EVEN THERE FOR YOU
AND YET IT
IS TOO EASY
TO SLANDER MY NAME
TO CAST JUDGMENT MY WAY
WHEN MY INNOCENTS CAN NOT BE PROVEN
- DUE TO PROTECTING
YOU
I LOOK AT MY FRIENDS CLOSELY
THE ONES THAT TURNED THEIR BACK SO EASILY
HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT
YOU
TOLD YOU ANYTHING BUT THE BLUNT TRUTH
TO MAKE YOU NOT TRUST ME?
THEN I GREW SAD
THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO
ME - GONE
ALONE I STAND BEFORE YOU
THE HATERID YOU SHOW ME
UNJUSTIFED - UNWARRENTED
THE ONLY GUILT I BARE
IS
THE ONE THING I HOPE WE HAVE IN COMMON
FOR MY FRIENDS TO BE HAPPY
FOR THE PAIN TO STOP
FOR THE MADNESS TO END
FOR
THE ROLLARCOASTER TO LEVEL OFF
SO I WRITE THIS NOW
EXTENDING MY HAND YET AGAIN
TO THE ONES WHO TURNED THEIR BACKS
TO
THE ONE WHO SLANDERED MY NAME
BROKEN, BRUISED I STAND BEFORE YOU
AND DO WHAT YOU COULDN'T DO
SEE PAST THE HAZE -
TO THE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS.
FORGIVENESS
08-05-2003 05:34 PM
Back to Top
Brushing Bodies
a
hand brushing down her spine
breath lightly pulsating with excitement
soft hair flowing this way and that
the cool
moon reflecting light through a window
nothing but silence broken by occasional moans
tasting those sweet, salty lips
holding
so close, it seems like one
staring in her eyes down to her soul
capturing all emotions at once
warmth emitting out
everywhere
safe, secure, and seductively
brushing bodies in the night
07-04-2003 08:00 AM
Back to Top
Condemnation
The metal cuts into my
skin bruising me with each step
He tugs on the chains violently
Forward toward my jury
One painful foot in front
of the other
My body aching from the painful cell I have been in
Unable to sleep in delirium
You can not break me
My
soul is too strong
My plight too meaningful
Bare feet on the cold floor
I face you
The crowd of judgment and persecution
Finally
my voice dry and tired speaks
Condemnation
Lies
Accusations
My only guilt was loving you
I get butted in the
back by his gun
To the floor I fall hard
“Get up you asshole – I said get up!”
He tugs on my hair
pulling me up to my knees
I ask “why?” with tears in my eyes
For kindness I am given blindness
Please
open your eyes and see
But the verdict has already been given
Guilty is my sentence
I scream out "No!" - But there
is nothing but silence
As they pull me away into the distance
Like the trash being thrown away
My only duty was to
beauty
And my thanks is being treated this way
08-21-2003 08:00 PM
Back to Top
Cycle
only
you can stop the madness
only you can make the change
only you can realize the truth
only you can stop the game
07-16-2003
02:37 PM
Back to Top
Down The Highway At Top Speed
racing
down the highway
at top speed
the wind rushing through our hair
your laugh I can barely hear over the rev of my engine
coldness almost
chills
run up and down my body
as the hot sun beats down
the road becoming one journey for the both of us
with no destination
in mind
just existing in the moment
alive
together
on the same pathway
we pass many along the way
honking
our horns
teasing the poor men as we play games with their minds
under these shades my green eyes are smiling
blue
heavens above agree
racing down the freeway
no where to go
numb by everything
breathing in the life
I reach
over
one touch leads to the next
one journey twisting and turning
racing time
to the sound of the wheels turning
below
you arch into me
all while we speed ahead
as others eat our dust.
08-25-2003 09:44 PM
Back to Top
Down The Highway At Top Speed - Part II
pushing down hard
revving
the engine up
a slight hesitation and then full throttle
can you feel it?
the acceleration
burning rubber beneath
you
faster and faster
down the lane I press hard
one hand gripped to the wheel
you can't see the delight in my
eyes behind my shades
only a simple smirk crosses my face
as your head arches back
your moans lost are in the wind
you
don't care who can see you now
exposed to:
the sky
the sun
the road
as the excitement flushes you face
ripping
roaring raw
riding down the road.
08-30-2003 01:04 PM
Back to Top
Down The Highway At Top Speed - Part III
I offered the front
But
she wanted the backseat
She told me she liked the leather
And how it felt in the heat
Her short skirt hiked
With
thongs on underneath
She slid back and forth
As she bit me with her teeth
The sky exposed above
Was our backdrop
of desire
Parked out on the open road
Blazing with fire
A snug fit it was
Legs hanging over the side
But
boy was it worth it
Taking her on this ride
Finally, we just laid there
In each other’s arms
In the
back of my convertible
Far away from any harm
Comfortable
Relaxed
It was just how it was suppose to be
She
was in love – as much as me.
The radio played our favorite song
As we kissed again
And I smiled down at
her
Wishing the night would never end
Eventually we returned to reality
And we had to say goodbye
But not
before she leaned into me
And asked for another ride.
08-31-2003 10:34 PM
Back to Top
Down the Highway At Top Speed - Part IV
One more ride she said
One
more ride
As I pushed the petal to the medal
I couldn’t leave my dear ArwenN denied
Top down
On this
cold breezy night
Clouds over head
Seemed dreary to the sight
Torrential downpour
Soaked to the bone
All
over the leather
If only I had known
I put up the top
As fast as I can
The water rolling down my body
Shaking
it off like a man
I look over to my princess
White tank top soaked through
I lick my lips at the sight
Blinking
my eyes to see if its true
A red bra peering at me
Wet long hair dripping dry
I lean in for a kiss
And let
instead let out a deep sigh
The next thing you know
slipping and sliding in the seats
Wet leather had never
been
such a brilliant treat
wet hands
wet legs
wet body
n clothes
as the thunder outside
began
to echo
the windows got all fogged
way too much hot air
like that is going to stop us
like we really cared
then
a knock on the window
I spring up in my seat
A Cop pointing his flashlight
Trying to catch a peek
I quickly
cover myself
and roll the window down
"Sorry, mister officer,
It was raining with my top down!"
He told us
we couldn’t park here
We had to move along
He told me that’s indecent exposure
"But we didn’t do
anything wrong!" (LOL)
And I guess that’s the end of our road trip
The race, the wind, and the rain
Until
I can convince you
To ride with me again
09-05-2003 07:34
PM
Back to Top
Drenched
Hanging on by a single
thread
Tip toeing around the shards of glass
My eyes locked tight on my destination
Holding on for dear life
Rubbing
each time on the edge of descent
One step forward two steps back
The signs I see all around me
My arms tired
My
hands dripping of blood from the journey
But now I am numb from the pain
My eyes veiled to what I can’t see or
hear
One contact sends me faltering… a hand slips
A friend grabs me pulling me back up
“your not there
yet – don’t let go”
don’t fall back into the abyss
again I see the light
far into the distance
the
suns rays breaking through the darkness
can I make it
fortitude instills my being once again
I trudge onward
Not
alone this time
As I exhale the stale air that I have been drenched in.
08-30-2003 01:22 AM
Back to Top
Earning Your Butch Card
I once knew this Femmy
la la
Who wore red lipstick…
The first time we met
She went and bought a new outfit.
A little tight
skirt
And brown curly hair
I can only imagine
Thongs for underwear
She was all giddy
And coy
Knew all
the games
To capture any boy
But then one day
Something strange occurred
The Femmy la la
Had a turned
Butch, I heard
She started kick boxing
And wearing her hair in a hat
The Femmes started to want her
And well,
what else can you say to that
She had earned her Butch Card
Congrats, you finally there!
Cause when the girlie
girls want you
All that’s left is to cut your hair
So stand up tall, Jasmine
We all know its true
What
use to be a girlie girl
Is a Butch through and through
(Dedicated to my baby Jasmine Blade – who is TOTALLY
going to kick my butt after this one – but it was so worth it)
Love Always,
08-31-2003 10:40 PM
Back to Top
Empty Spaces
I
look around and all I see are empty spaces
The place where your pillow use to lay
The warmth of your embrace
The
smile when butterfly kisses came your way
But now there is just me and the little man
Where you use to be
He has
a tummy ache
Probably because your gone
And I can’t concentrate
Can’t sleep without your warmth
And
my love
As you slept on the side of the road
Only an hour away
I sat up in bed holding your empty space
I know
you will return from school soon
And the void will be filled
But your not even gone a day
And I miss you already
my haven, I do
Looking around our home filled of reminders of you
03-04-2004
08:33 AM
Back to Top
Every bite, Every touch, Every whisper
she
paces past letting her scent linger
she smiles at the sun and looks back to see if it was noticed
he lays there on the
ground
trees landscaping shadows over him
pretending it did not affect him
the game begins
she rolls up sexily
by a tree
stretched out exposing her belly to the sky
exposed for all to see
some moments pass were he just stares
she
gets up to taunt again
this time pressing her body
next to him on the ground until he cannot take it any more
he
pushes her down on all fours
mounting her
letting out a scream as he thrusts his sex in
holding her down into the
earth
their cries are heard for miles
he leans in biting down hard on the nap of her neck
roaring
panting
rearing
like
these lions we could be
07-20-2003 06:27 PM
Back to Top
Free From Responsibility
I wrote this while at work
- the TV on CNN - another one killed today - as people don't even seem to care anymore... just another life - its not anyone
I know - why should I even stop for one second in memory - for that 18 year old - who's life was just starting - who's mom
will never get to hold him again - who's baby will never know his dad...
of course this is the land of freedom -
free
from thought
free from responsibility
free from acknowledgement
sweet land of liberty
smeared with the blood of
our young
from every mountain side
the TV rings
as we gone on our daily lives
ignoring the important things
the
red white and blue
tis true tis true
the land of freedom
taken advantage of by me and you...
stepping off
my box ~ and pausing for those dead...
08-22-2003 05:00 PM
Back to Top
Femmes drive me freaking batty!
- that glare they get when
you ask them a hard question
- how their eyes light up when they smile
- breath in your ear, when they whispers "yes"
-
little sounds and words they makes in their sleep
- biting my neck like a vampire
- deep dimples they can't control
-
the perfume that lingers on you and your pillow
- the extra time they take to re-apply lipstick during the day
- the
way they turn things around and make you apologize
- nails
- and the number one thing that drives me batty is - no matter
how butch/badass/top/strong you are they melt your walls and with one hug send you into submission.
08-23-2003 06:44
PM
Back to Top
Femme Fatal Is Not Just A Saying
I was always into boys
Before
this all occurred
They were sweet n simple
Never had to edit my words
Never had to move their house
Or worry about
their hair
Or have them being jealous
When other femmes stared
But then I went for a femme la la
And into Butchland
I fell
And honestly that’s when I entered my own personal hell
See I might be a hard ass
And be the fuck of
your life
But inside this butch exterior
Is a softie with a knife
The femmes see right though this
And abuse me
left and right
Until all that is left of me is boy without a fight
I give what they want
And they push me away
And
they wonder why some boys
Don’t swing that way
But here I am again
Caught wanting a femme fatal
Its not
just a saying
It’s a fucking lifestyle.
09-08-2003 11:45
PM
Back to Top
Foothold
when the world seems too
much
and the earth seems to crumble beneath your feet
take refuge in me
when you legs begin to quiver
and your
tears seems too much
i will give you steady feet
because that’s what friends do
we help keep each other alive
we
know the sorrow their going through
and we know its too soon to die
the rainbow reminds us that there is still some
beauty in the rain
that the sun has to come out again - someday
you don't have to ask - I will know.
and I will be
here for you if you need me
your friend always.
your foothold I’ll be.
(dedicated to my friends - who
have been there for me - and those who need me.)
08-29-2003 01:30 PM
Back to Top
From my love five years ago
it
was very hard
harder than I thought.
to be near her
and know that she is with someone else
all I could do is
hug her
the pain that had been locked inside now resurfacing
the tears too near for my comfort
she told me she still
loved me
after all these years
that she would never stop loving me
that fate just didn't deal us the right cards
and
as I drove away in the wee hours of the morning
physically, emotionally, thru and thru tired
I stopped at a gas station
and spent the night
curled up in my car
unable to drive any further
from my love five years ago.
07-17-2003
12:39 PM
Back to Top
From the Flame to My Haven
The fire engulfs around
me
From all side blinded
Finally I’m pushed out
My flesh burned
And aching
And there lying on the ground
and dirt
Unable to move any further
I fall asleep
Only to be awaken
By the Jasmine Queen
Cleaning my wounds
Blowing
on them to temporarily ease the pain
Wrapping them snuggly up to heal
So stunning you are
That the creatures in
the wood line
Seem to be drawn to you
And your red candles
You brush my hair back off my face
And hold me there
in you lap
What did I do to deserve this treatment?
To be burned by one
And to be nurtured by another
I reach
up to the Jasmine Queen
Pulling her head down I kiss her on the forehead
In thanks
In friendship
In love
May
the powers that be see your kindness
And three fold return to thee.
**You know I will love you always for everything
you have done for me so selflessly. a million kisses could not repay my debt. Holding you tightly in my arms not wanting to
let you go.**
08-31-2003 03:01 AM
Back to Top
Got any cheerful ones?
Got any cheerful ones?
I’m tired of the anger
I’m tired of the pain
I want so badly to smile
to breath. to sleep.
I’m sure you can relate.
08-17-2003 02:07 PM
Back to Top
I don't need you to complete me
I
don't need you to complete me
I don't need you to be happy
I don't need you to comfort me
I just want someone special
to share my life with.
07-17-2003 02:32 PM
Back to Top
I Smile
I
smile when I first see you
each and everyday
I smile when you look back
when you do it that way
I smile when you
question me
time and time again
I smile when you hit me
because I know I'll never win
I smile when you leave me
thinking
I know you'll return
I smile but I realize
you will never smile in return
07-05-2003 09:33 AM
Back to Top
Invaded
the
next day
I lie in bed thinking
can't get you out of my head
you have invaded my every thought
visions of what
is to come Thursday
send me into a frenzy
over and over I play out your looks
that smirk and sideways glance as to
say
you don't want to tempt me
oh but I do
you deserve to be happy
placed on a pedestal
you once said to
me
and I would
if only given a chance
07-20-2003 12:41 AM
Back to Top
I'm your biggest fan
And
now tied down
in a chair in my basement
there you sit
bound and gagged
in the dark
I have your leather jacket
the
smell of you still on it
and your sunglasses, I like way too much
a black bag on your head
you sit
stewing in
your own ignorance
if only you would have given me a chance
a time of the day
when I talked to you
instead you
laughed behind my back
well who the fuck is laughing now?
the sound startles you as i enter the room
slowly I touch
the skin on your arm
I have forever with you here
no one can hear you try to scream
I unveil my prize
your eyes
hazy from the brightness
but you know who I am
the countless pictures now alive
blood dripping from your lip where
i knocked you unconscious
I rub my hand slowly up your leg
how often I visualized touching you
I smile at your helplessness
the
strong one now out of control
I bring out my knife
you instantly see it
eyes wide in disbelief
I press it against
the skin of your neck
you grow still
I release the gag
quiet you remain
I cut the ropes binding your hands and
caress your body freely
then standing off to the side I beacon you
sliding the knife across my tongue
you slowly
crawl to me
completely mine
you surrender to your biggest fan.
07-31-2003 01:43 PM
Back to Top
Just with the thought of you
alone
with the radio
on
I slip under the covers
thinking of how I just held you
the soft silk comforter cold from the A/C
unlike the
warmth of you
I’m wet
just thinking about it
a hand travels down
fingers to my clit
i replay the breath
in my ear
the biting of my neck
your smile and dimples
the feel of your body as i rubbed my nails down your back
my
breath
hard
fast
deep
i penetrate
arching my back
flexing my legs
my body erupting
just with the
thought of you.
07-22-2003 01:47 AM
Back to Top
Knotted Rope
I turn the knots over and
over in my hands
trying not to think
trying to just exist
too much time
my mind wanders
smoothness as in rubs
back and forth
I sigh
knowing
aching inside to just run away
back down
into the darkness
safe there in my
corner
time for introspection
time heals everything
07-24-2003 01:34 PM
Back to Top
Last night I had a dream
I’m standing on top
of a great wall
Looking down divided
On one side, a friend who is very dear to me
On the other, another friend who
is slowly chipping away at the mortar
My first friend I know is in love
But the love is a juggle of thoughts and actions
My
second friend not ready for anything of that nature
They both shout up at me
And at first I think I can bring down the
wall – uniting us all
But then I can’t help but look at my second friend
Can’t help but see how truly
wonderful things could be
If only I could be patient
If only my first friend didn’t love her
So instead I sit
down trying to support both
All while my wall grows bigger
Not wanting to mess up another friendship
I have already
lost one due to bad timing this year
Torn
Divided
A good friend would let them work things out, right?
Let them
decide what fate holds for them and not intrude
A good friend would not tell what they feel
Or join in the struggle
to bring down the wall
So in my dream I decide to retreat into myself
Sitting on the wall just observing
I can’t
get in trouble that way
I can’t be blamed that way
I can’t get hurt that way
So I just sit on the wall,
divided, observing, wanting to tell all.
09-06-2003 01:26
PM
Back to Top
Lying Awake At Night
LYING
HERE THINKING OF YOUR SMILE
YOUR LAUGH
YOUR SQUELS
GRIN
YOU TAKE MY BREATH AWAY AND YOU DON'T EVEN REALISE IT
TO
SEE YOU IN TURMOIL OVER SOMEONE ELSE
BREAKS MY HEART
ALL I WANT TO DO IS JUST
SCOOP YOU UP AND HOLD YOU TIGHT
HAVE
I ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH
TO JUST LOOK AT YOU
CLOSE TO ME
I CAN FEEL YOU HEART BEAT - THE BREATHING IN MY EAR
THE
HOPE YOU SPEAK OF
TO KISS YOUR LIPS I QUIVER INSIDE
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TAKE A LOOK AT YOU
AND YOU JUST BRING A SMILE
TO MY FACE
THE WORLD AROUND ME COULD SHATTER AND I WOULDN'T CARE
AS LONG AS I KNOW YOUR SAFE AND HAPPY
SOMEWHERE
OUT THERE
07-15-2003 01:17 AM
Back to Top
Misunderstanding
words
written
interpreted
anyway
you want
not the way i intended
words
what do you hear
jealousy
not the hurt I really felt
not the fear
I have of you getting hurt
yet again
words
if only spoken you could hear the context of my voice
the passion I
inflect in them
not to pain you
but to protect
to communicate
to let you know
I’m your friend
not
someone who is out to get theirs
words
if you only let me explain.
07-29-2003 02:22 PM
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Mirror Souls
how can kindness be given
such blindness... how can two souls be going through something so close to the same thing at the same time - truly you were
brought to me for a reason - my friend. If nothing else is answered all I can say is I KNOW what you feel, mean, cry. you
just got to keep you head up. one foot in front of the other. you have made it through in the past. and I know it feels like
shit and like she's the only one in your universe - trust me I know! but if its meant to be it will happen - you can't stop
the axis of the world from spinning as much as we try - to pause time - to make it stop and go back to the way it was. life
doesn’t work that way. it sucks but what you must do now is the same thing you tell me - dry your eyes the best you
can - try your hardest to purge your thoughts - no matter how hard we try they will still be there creeping in - you just
have to not dwell - not become stagnant - just accept - and wait for the future while moving forward yourself.
I will always
love you.
08-29-2003 12:08 PM
Back to Top
No words
holding
you dancing
my hand on your exposed back
my face against your soft hair
we sway together
me tempting you to answer
my questions
no words but a sideways smile from you
suddenly
you bite hard down on my shoulder
my body screams
out for you
i try my luck and tempt some more
then out of no where you finally answer
with one turn our lips meet
locked
your
tongue dancing with mine
your teeth biting as it moves
the song ends
as i pause there
thinking
no words
just
a kiss
07-19-2003 03:47 AM
Back to Top
Naked From The Inside Out
exposed on the paper for
all to see
my mask broken shattered
in a million pieces around me
unwanted
broken
in some ways feel used
gritting
my teeth
Strumming my guitar
And trying hard not to think of you
You make me feel so naked
From the inside
out
My pulse running down the words
Beating each one like a drum
As my blood curls
Drip
Drip
Drip
Each
one freeing me...
See I never asked for anything
I guess that was my mistake
I wasn’t an asshole
I didn’t
give and then take
Shutting my eyes blocking it out
Its over now, I know
Wrapping myself into the ground
I
will leave you alone.
08-27-2003 04:47 PM
Back to Top
Pathway
A pathway we walk down,
going on and on
An endless journey upward, going round and round
We pass each other time and time again
I turn around
to talk to you, but the pathway will never end
Eternal happenings of time,
The older I get,
I reach outward for you,
But
I'm always off a bit
To see but never touch
Is the curse I live today
And I wonder if I'll ever
get off this endless
PATHWAY
07-22-2003 06:38 AM
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Prayers For The Rain
you shatter my being
you
hold on too tight
so dull it stifles me
hopelessness and prayers for the rain
you suffocate me
breathe in dirt
desolate
drab
hours
spent killing time
again all waiting for the rain
to blend with my crying eyes.
you fracture me
my bones brittle
as they break
pain so stale it kills
strangled
entangled
hopelessness and prayers for the rain
deteriorate
into
the dirt
my bed
dreary and tired
hours spent killing
the already dead.
08-26-2003 05:25 PM
Back to Top
Regret
torn
by the emotions I feel
to not even talk to me felt like hell
more concerned than anything else
a friendship seeming
to be lost
honestly happy you are moving on
embarrassed and sadness flushed through my heart
if all you believe
is one night of madness
you're not the person I thought you were
I have a bad reputation
but anyone who really
knows me
could tell you my true self
is far from what you see
07-03-2003 12:14 PM
Back to Top
Rights of Passage
The
mirror of me
That’s what I need
Some who will love as deep
Someone who can see the real me
I don’t
need an asshole
To know I’m worth something
I don’t need to feel used
Don’t need a small fling
Someone
who deserves
To have my kindness
Who will see to the core
The beauty I possess
Who will know
I’m
being honest
And won’t have to question
If I’m best
Who looks into my eyes
Down to my soul
And
know I will give my being
Without being told
Who can see a good thing when they have it
Through all the chaos
that is abound
And still realize what they have in front of their face
What they have already found
Someone
that will love me
In her heart and her head
Someone who will tie me up
Or just hold me tightly in her bed
Someone
who is not selfish
Someone who is not greedy
Someone who will love fully
And not just use me
This is the rights
of passage
This is what I deserve
Its not much to ask for
Maybe someday I will find her.
08-29-2003 11:41
AM
Back to Top
Ruby lips
you
want to be my tease now do you
or do you want to be teased
do you want me to side my hands down
between your thighs
tickle
too softly
tingling to tell
clawing at your skin
marks left to dwell
let me ask you this question
could you
handle being my tease?
07-16-2003 04:04 PM
Back to Top
She didn't believe
the timing was all wrong
I
knew from the start
but you love who you love when you love
I never told you
it was too soon
it was never anything
else but you
I will back away
I will disappear
I will hide my love
I will wipe my tears
if its meant to be
you
will come back someday
there are no more words
for me to say
08-18-2003 12:32 AM
Back to Top
Shell Of A Person
I turned over in my bed
to hold you this morning
even though you have never been there
I reached over to the empty space
my first thought
of the day - you
but you are not there
you are not anywhere
you are but a shell of the person you were
an M&M
with the chocolate all sucked out by a spider
with only the shell remanding
trying to fight to exist
some moments
I can see you in your eyes
happy...those dimples drive me crazy
but then you disappear
leaving all of us
deep
inside yourself you retreat
that distance in your eyes
i want to yell out "come back"
but it is too late
you are
already gone
just the shell remains to remind me of what I feel for you
I struggle daily - close - far
all i can
hope is i can finally kill that spider for you
and you can return to reality
where the world is not always kind
but
there is goodness there waiting and wanting
if you were only there to receive it.
08-09-2003 08:36 AM
Back to Top
So that's the big mystery – (how
we met)
it didn't take a length
of rope
or knotted bed post
to capture a kiss from you
a split-screen stud boy
teases the girl in red, ‘tis
true
it didn't take ocean hand cream
although that was fun
nor a black and white picture
to catch your eye, Hun
just
a simple gesture
a push against the door
and perhaps you have left me standing
wondering if there is something more
two
friends cackling for all eternity
to think we met right here
the start of wonderful friendship
and sweet serenity.
~to
my sweetie -you have touch my life in more ways than you know.
08-26-2003 05:52 PM
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Some Purpose
The clock ticking
Tolling
the seconds as they pass
The torrent rainfall outside
Un-apparent from inside these walls with no windows
Our tongues
tied shut
Our faith resting in the will of others
The rights we shed with one oath
Countless of our brothers and
sisters fall daily
While we frantically try to be eagles
Casting a steady eye out for the enemy
Breaking down their
intentions
Predicting what we can from the past, future, and present
And yet the clock ticks with life and death
With
bloodshed at every stoke of a key
While we sit here safely - wearing the same cloaks as them
Tied with the same chains
around our necks
Have you ever paused for their young lives?
For what they are fighting for
Have you ever stopped
to think that could be you
Or someone you love?
The blank expressionless face lying on the ground
Dowsed in blood,
sweat, dirt, and pride
Their clocks stopped for all eternity
While we are allowed to live on
Sitting here
Staring
at the screen
For some purpose.
08-20-2003 06:18 PM
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Surrender
I
stare into your eyes
trying to see what makes you so entrancing
perhaps your words one by one tickle me
I lie here
alone in my room
shifting beneath the covers
visions pop into my head
of what will people think tonight about me
the
dark side I so rarely show in public
now on display for all to see
and imagine
the tease being them
07-18-2003
02:22 PM
Back to Top
Tease
you
stand there
worried
wondering
what's to come
I grab your hand and lead you
in front of the crowd
they watch
all
as I sit you down
and bind one hand at a time
tightly the rope
slides across your skin
helpless you look
down
I turn you to face
their judgment
as I blindfold you
darkness falls
you hear them
you feel me caress
your skin
a kiss
deep
dark
hard pressed against your lips
the crowd roars
you struggle a little
unable
to move
accepting of all I have to give you
07-16-2003 02:34 PM
Back to Top
The elastic in my socks
Worn out
Broken down
No
longer able to hold its place
The elastic in my socks
Useless
Needs to be replaced
Yet they are all I have
All
that is left of me
A necessary evil
Faltering
Falling
Exposing my vulnerability
If only it was as easy as buying
a new pair
But I have grown too attached
Hoping they can be repaired
Sheltering the shards that are left
Of the
elastic in my socks.
09-05-2003 06:31
PM
Back to Top
The Clock Is Ticking
Can you hear it?
How
fast time seems to be spinning
Every second worth a thousand words
As I hold your hands tightly
Not wanting to let
go
Relief rushing over me
I’m not crazy
Well at least that’s good thing
Laughter even in the most
serious moments
Everything happens for a reason
As karma waves its magic wand over the past two months
The purpose
yet to be written
But the outcome perhaps everything I have ever wished for
Trying to be logical
Patient says the
hanging man
Don’t remain stagnate says the other
What do your cards tell you?
Are you afraid to see?
As
the clock turns yet another day
Closer to your departure
Away
I hold fast to your hands as I sleep
Not wanting
to let go
With or without you there
09-07-2003 11:08
PM
Back to Top
The Couch
the couch broken down relaxing
genuine
smiles of friendship blossoming
trust
rare as it might be
a joke
a brush of your hair
a whisper in your ear
the
seconds
that are paused like you have the ability to stop time
the dance
of my stomach as it swarms
like honey
bees in a hive
confusion by the unknown feelings
with laughter
it brushed off like nothing
timing couldn't have
been worse
I am already chased
a heart to hurt in the process
that is not my intention
the couch
my serenity
for now I retreat into it
07-23-2003 02:20 PM
Back to Top
The Cut
THE
CUT
DEEP DOWN
BRUISED AND BLOODY
YOU SPRING TO HELP
HELD TOGETHER IRONICALLY
BY THE ONE WHO TORE US APART
IT
HURTS
HURTS TO EVEN TO HOLD A ROSE
BLOOD STAINING THE CARPET
THE WALLS
YOUR HANDS
PAIN INSIDE AND OUT
THE
SCAR OUTSIDE YOU THINK IS SEXY
CAN'T COMPARE TO THE SCARS YOU LEFT INSIDE
ME TOO YOU SAY
JUST KNOWING WHAT I WAS
THINKING
AS THEY STICH ME UP AND I TRY TO MOVE ON
07-14-2003 11:08 PM
Back to Top
The Great Talk
“we need to talk”
such
pleasant words, aren’t they
the meager four words
send most peoples hearts racing
but last night
it was
our time
time to cut through the drama
time to be adults
time to talk face to face
shed our demons
be honest
funny
how even in the most intense moments
through the tears and all
laughter spreads like wild fire
and the slowly the
alcohol sets in
which always makes me more blunt
a good or bad thing?
Of my friend I ask you to do what I did for
you
Give me a chance
For my other – my haven – don’t sever all the strings
Leave time to tell what
our fate will bring
Much like the cards have said
A cliff hanger
As we all care so much about each other
And as
all walls fall
Boundaries are made
And we just lie there holding one another
The power of three caring friends
All
searching for the same thing in the end
09-07-2003 08:53
AM
Back to Top
The Price Of Friendship
How do you put a price
on a friend?
What makes us lash out at the ones we love the most?
As reality of the situation hits you hard
As you
said the signs were all there
Thank god we talked
Can you imagine this talk three months from now?
After so much
more damage was done
I look you in your eyes
I love you – you know that
I want what you want
For you to
find true happiness
No monetary value can substitute the knowledge you possess of me
My mirror soul
In turmoil
Do
you believe in fate, my sweet one?
Then trust in what will be will be
Hold fast to your friends
For they truly see
the path with the least resistance
The one that perhaps will lead to a soul mate
Once you face the demons that haunt
your soul
And I will be here with you
If you will have me
For I know deep down you love me too
That you see in
my eyes I do not mean to hurt you
And though you lash out
And though you hide your fear of hurt with anger
I see
right through it
Down to the true you
And hold you
My friend
What be will be
It is not up to you
It is
not up to me
The cards have already told you
Listen and you will find
The price of friendship
Is just too divine
09-07-2003 11:35
PM
Back to Top
The Storm Hits
The poor tree standing
alone
with nothing to shield it from the wind
rain and lighting tare at its already tortured limbs
rooted
grounded
stuck
in the mud for safety
bare for the world to see and talk about
ravaged as the sun finally breaks
drying the hard
broken down bark
comforting with clear clouds overhead
the storm has finally passed
tomorrow is a new day
and
with it will come new growth
it will take time but it will gain strength again
limbs stretched outward to the sky
as
future leaves already begin to bud
07-23-2003 12:22 AM
Back to Top
The Tornado
the tornado is still turning
feelings are still burning
the eyes hazed by the wind and debris
Just got to give her time baby
outward reaches
a hand
instead I got sucked in
now I’m the one mixed up and can't see
flying
spinning
trying to find
my footing again
Just got to give her time baby
sometimes the storm is all they are use to
they want so badly to
put both feet on the ground
but when presented with everything they ever asked for
they freak out and don’t know
how to come back down
Just got to give her time baby
dirty
drenched
my body aching and sore
i sit in the mud
you wanted to be pulled out of
with hope the sun will emerge again
the storm will die down
serenity in silence
Just
got to give her time baby
Just got to give her time.
08-23-2003 07:49 PM
Back to Top
THESE HANDS
YOUR
HANDS
WARM AND SOFT LIKE I REMEMBER
HARD TO BELIEVE 5 YEARS HAS PASSED SINCE I HAVE TOUCHED THEM
THE YEARNING BURNING
INSIDE ME RECINDLED AFTER ALL THIS TIME
I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU
THE INNOCENT LOVE WE SHARED SO LONG AGO
I WAS BUT
A CHILD THEN
NOT SURE OF MYSELF
OR WHO I WAS AT ALL
YOU TOO HAVE CHANGED
EVEN BETTER LOOKING THAN I REMEMBER
WEARING
THAT SAME SEXY COLONGE
THAT DROVE ME MAD EVEN BACK THEN
I FEEL YOUR PULSE
A LITTLE FASTER THAN NORMAL
TIS TO
BE EXPECTED
A TEAR ROLLS DOWN MY FACE
MAD A FATE THAT TOOK MY CHANCE WITH YOU AWAY
SEE IT WAS DISTANCE NOT OUR LACK
OF LOVE
THAT STOPPED ME FROM HOLDING THESE HANDS
07-17-2003 06:42 AM
Back to Top
They call me fire
they
say don't play with fire
for that is what I am
burning
yearning
smoke screens my actions
and catches you unaware
the
warmth sensation
I could bring engulf everywhere
do you play with fire?
I do it all the time
the unknown
the
anticipation
of the devil I desire
07-17-2003 12:00 PM
Back to Top
Trapped
TRAPPED BETWEEN YOUR HEART
AND MIND, IN A MAZE IN THIS WORLD. YOU MOVE WITH STUPIDITY BECAUSE YOUR BLIND, BLIND BETWEEN DREAMS AND REALITY WITH NO WHERE
TO GO, YOU COULD MAKE IT STOP BUT DO YOU WANT TO, YOU COULD WAIT FOR TIME BUT ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN, TRAPPED IN A BOX WITH
NO WAY OUT, TABOOED BY THE TRUTH YOU FEEL, DREAMS RUN YOUR LIFE WHILE YOUR MIND HAS NO SAY - FINALLY THE BOX WILL FALL ONE
DAY. WHERE IT LANDS IS NOT UP TO ME. NOT YOUR MIND, NOT YOUR HEART, TRAPPED IN A BOX WITH NO WAY OUT
07-02-2003
09:10 AM
Back to Top
Trust Me
I
hold you
breathing slowly in your ear
feeling you sway into me as
I draw Goosebumps everywhere
I whisper
"trust
me"
as I bite into your neck
your body surrenders
only me holding you up
my hands engulf you
slithering this
way and that
holding fast and hard
my princess for the night
07-17-2003 12:11 PM
Back to Top
Tying You Down
bound
helpless
I
ask what you want of me
you say not a word
scared
frightened
perhaps
you may like it
like it too much
caressing
the smooth skin of you face
so beautiful and perfect
I slowly begin to remove my shirt
teasing you tempting you
but
you cannot move
one button at a time i remove
revealing my stomach
I sit on you
a hand in your hair
and just
whisper
into your ear
what you already know but cannot hear
god I want to send you into ecstasy
hear your moans
hard
breath in unison with mine
instead I whisper words
until another time...
07-17-2003 06:16 PM
Back to Top
What Comes Next
you
finally answer
kissing me hard with desire
that is all I needed to unleash
the pent up frustration of my desire
the
yearning that has transpired now will erupt
I grab you hard and fast
pressing your body into mine
feeling you all
around me
I push you against the wall
cold isn't it
I reach around and tease you
your wetness gives you away
no
words are needed
you know what is coming next
07-19-2003 11:45 PM
Back to Top
Worth the risk
I think your wheels are
spinning
spinning while other wounds are too fresh
the cut too recent to be completely healed
you want to believe
words
the words I write, the words I say
but words have hurt you in the past
the walls of trust are high
you need
me to be patient
for actions show you how I truly feel
and honestly I feel the same
I’m as scared as you are
the
mortar between my bricks
slowly falling
you have somehow found a hole I didn't know existed
and crawled through
so
like you I exist in the moment
hurt from the past, questioning the future, living in the now
::holds you:: no one
wants the pain - but like you I have been broken... a shell of myself left in its place.... some how I picked up what was
left of myself and found my way out of hell - only to fall for the devil - sometimes I guess your heart sometimes feels its
worth the risk
07-22-2003 11:32 AM
Back to Top
Your Song
I wrote you a song last
night
It was two o'clock in the morning
The rest of the house dead silent
Just couldn't sleep
Couldn’t get
you out of my head
My cat curled up beside me
As I filled up the silence with your song
The words just flowed out
onto the paper
In the darkness illuminated by just candles - i wrote
A little funny
A little teasing
A little
tune
As i strummed away
My fingers to the strings
Breeding life into my thoughts
Finally complete
My fingers
bruised
My eyes squinting
I curled up next to miss America and fell asleep...
07-25-2003 03:51 PM
Back to Top
Your Touch
I
REMEMBER YOUR TOUCH
AND HOW IT MADE ME FEEL
THE WAY IT MADE ME PUZZLE
AND HOW I AM STILL
YOUR SOFTNESS BRACED
ME
AND TRICKLED DOWN MY SPINE
IT MADE ME THINK OF WHAT COULD BE
AND IF YOU COULD BE MINE
WITH ONE TOUCH
YOU'VE
SENT ME ON MY WAY
UNTIL OUR LIVES
WILL MEET ANOTHER DAY
I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER
WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND HOPE
SOMEDAY
YOUR TOUCH WILL COME AGAIN
07-15-2003 09:23 AM
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